All the World is a Stage

So I received an email from a theatre company, Ghostlight, that I have some ties to.  It was a sorta mass e-mail encouraging me to be a member again and subscribe to their season.  Feeling generous and bored at work I reviewed what they had on tap.  I was intrigued especially by one play.  I looked a bit farther into it and found that I was a bit captivated by a certain role... a female role... a female in her mid-to-late-20's role... good golly with some moisturizer I could play that role....

I read a bit of the script, though honestly not all.  I reached out to Shorty for advice and feedback.  Then I shoved the idea to not just the back burner, but the nosebleed seats burner.  It stewed on low like a crockpot on the counter.  I'm still not sure what the final result will be, but I'll be damned if I can't stop from stirring the pot, taking a big whiff and seeing if I like what's cooking.

The current auditions are at a time I can't make.  Bummer- and said as much.  Well, what do I get for opening my mouth but another possible opportunity: a second audition date, even farther away with a schedule to be determined.  Since I like to book myself eons ahead, this could be an issue.  However, the rehearsal schedule would ALSO demand I take time from my current schedule and possibly sacrifice some plans I had already made.  Am I ready for that?

Audition calls for a prepared monologue.  Cool- I've done that.  In college, and a bit after... so that means all the characters in those monologues are in their early 20's and the plays they come from are all slightly dated, like Kim Kardashian's sex tape or Double Rainbow Guy's youtube video..  It's not that it's not entertaining, but.... well, we've heard it before.

So now I'm in a position... do I want to do all this work for possibly very little payoff?  What if it does pay off and I get the role and I can't do some of the runs or hikes I had planned?  Do I even still have that spark that a few special people saw in me once?  I feel the passion and the drive... Will that be enough for me?  If I prepare and don't get this, will that be ok?  If I prepare and I do get this, will that be ok?

Tomorrow I will search for a new monologue.  And we'll go from there.

 Ballet in first grade- this is where I learned I am NOT graceful.

College- where I had to dance again, but at least it was "modern" and "Greek"

Pocket found my true talent: awkward.  Yes, I'm pooping on a laptop.

Coming of Age

Friday night My Runner and I drove up to Merrymeeting Lake in NH to visit with Face, Cap'n Mop, Smarty Pants, and a host of others. We sat around the campfire chatting, eating, and taking in the beautiful views of the lake. Being with my love and friends I've known for decades, I was very content.

Some unspoken consensus had the group head for bed before 10pm that night- they had been staying at the lake house the whole week and were likely tired from meat and booze- and My Runner and I tented out on the lawn. We kept the gorgeous fire going until after 1am, despite having to rise at the crack of dawn to head to an appointment. Chatting, listening to the loons, staring at the lights on the beautiful and huge houses surrounding the shores, we thoroughly enjoyed our relaxing evening.

It started out in the background, but in a moment of silence, my inner-radio turned up the volume. I couldn't believe what song was playing in my head... "Coming of Age." This song has never been played on the radio, and hopefully never will be, but it's the title track the 7th grade musical in which Smarty and I performed. An intellectually complex and emotionally charged- no, it was stupid and obvious exploration of puberty. Which, when you're actually going THROUGH puberty is really, really embarrassing to sing about.

With joy, I realized Smarty was mere yards away (as opposed to being in Ohio, so YAY) so I ran into the house, found Smarty's room where she was still reading. Peeking in, she looked up from her book

Smarty: Yes?

Me: Coming... of AGE! Coming... of AGE! Feeling happyy..... Feeling RAAAAAGE!

Smarty: (head in hands) Oh no... why?.

Me:(evil cackle, runs away)

This silly moment replayed in my head a few times over the weekend. I realized that this was the VERY FIRST play I was ever in, and I almost wasn't even in it. I had auditioned for a speaking role, but my voice was not up to par with the other nasal-singing 13-year-olds in Jr. High. At first, I wasn't even on the cast list. In my typical 7th-grade attitude, I thought "Eff this! It's stupid anyways," and wrote drama club off for good. I'd concentrate on singing (bad idea) and not having food caught in my braces.

Smarty, after a few rehearsals, somehow convinced me that I should just be in the ensemble because it would be fun. I didn't really want to miss two days of Animaniacs a week, but Smarty's a convincing person. So I joined the ensemble as a part of the "In" crowd. In "Coming of Age," the cool kids moved as a singular group, mocking those that were different from them and secretly worried that at any moment they'll get kicked out of the clique- unless they're too unoriginal to think for themselves. We were probably the only "cool" kids that wore black jeans and button-down denim shirts as our "cool kid uniform."

I'm sure I was thoroughly unconvincing as a cool kid. Even with training I'm not sure I could play a cool kid today- not really in my repertoire. Still, it was funny to look back at my very first play (and briefly at my stint as a priest in the wacky Cinderella-esque musical in 8th grade- who ran that silly drama club?). And despite those lack-luster beginnings, I went on to make theatre my major, learning not only about acting and directing, but all aspects of production. I moved on to working as an Education Director at a local theatre, directing shows and teaching classes. I worked closely with a small but well-respected professional theatre company, also directing and acting as well as assisting behind the scenes. Essentially, I came of age.

Bits and Pieces

Lots of thoughts swirling around lately, and mostly unorganized.  A sampling of the bits and pieces grabbed from the tornado of my brain:

Dad's coming up this weekend.  We're meeting at a race on Sunday morning, then he's staying until Tuesday.  This'll be the first time I run with him, ever.  I'm really worried about being slow.  I know it's stupid  - he won't care, we're here to run it together, but still.  My Runner might be joining us.  I'm glad My Runner and Dad will get a chance to meet. They're very similar, which totally makes me a cliché, but what can ya do.  I love running with My Runner, and I know it will make me worry less about being slow, but there's a small part of me that wants to run just me and my dad.  I think that part's smaller than the part that wants both of them there.

I drove around ManchVegas for an hour on Wednesday checking out neighborhoods of apartments listed on craigslist.  It was ridiculously depressing how much some places were misrepresented.  Of course I only viewed the outside on these, but since I'm looking for a new neighborhood I thought that would be a good place to start.  As much as I want a place that's unique, part of a house, a few neighbors, a nice landlord, I think ultimately I won't be able to find a nice place in a nice neighborhood in my price range unless I go for apartment complex living.  Not really my first choice, but it's got the essentials that I'm looking for, and there are always openings.  The other drawback is that my current rental company operates at least half of the apartment complexes in MancheVegas.  They're probably not better or worse than other rental companies, but their tenant screening process leaves something to be desired.

Last weekend I ran the farthest I have yet - 6 miles.  I felt great, and ran an average 9:20min. mile in the Frozen Shamrock 3 mile race the next day.  This week I feel like crap.  My hip's been bothering me, my calves are cramping, and I've been having some, ah... lady issues.  I've taken some time off to rest, maybe too much time.  I've got a 4.6mi run planned with Pocket when she comes to visit on Saturday, then the race on Sun is 4 miles.  I'm still not feeling great, but it's time to get back in the saddle.  I've totally neglected my PT the last two weeks (slaps hand) and I know that's why my hip is bothering me.  The half-marathon is in 16 days; no time to rest on my weary laurels.

Speaking of the ShamRock (half)Marathon, this was today's facebook post:
Coach Jerry Frostick's tip of the week: Less is best, don't try and make up for missed mileage. Everyone has battled the worstwinter that I remember. That same determination will get you to the finish line. Feel proud of what you've done.Usethese last two weeks to heal aches and pains and visualize great things for... your big day!You all will Sham ROCK.
It's like Coach Jerry is reading my mind.  I'm not going to go crazy with miles, but I am working to get my drive, determination, and "sticktoitiveness" back on line.  (When did "sticktoitiveness" become an ok word to use?)


Pocket and I will be heading to my Alma Mater after our run on Saturday to see a show produced by the theatre department from which I graduated.  It hasn't been terribly long since I attended, and most of my profs are still working there.  I've always been proud of my education.  While the name and the department doesn't necessarily have a huge reputation, I felt the professors and program were all well-rounded and encouraged exploration of talents and strengths.  I really hope it's a good show.


Mom recently "guilted" me that I've been dating My Runner for over six months now and she barely knows him.  She's right, it's weird.  I have a very close relationship with my family, so the fact that I'm so happy and they don't know him IS totally strange.  So we're having dinner on Wednesday, hosted by Face and Mop.  I'm super psyched.  Getting the chance to meet some of his family over Easter.  Excited, but oddly not really nervous.  I mean, I hope they like me, and there is a certain amount of strain making small talk with a room full of strangers, but I'm just happy to get to see a little more of where My Runner comes from.


I know I'm "of that age," but EVERYONE is getting married this year.  Three friends, two family members.  Five weddings.  Don't get me wrong, I actually really like weddings.  Celebrating love, eating, dancing, drinking, wearing pretty clothes, all things I truly enjoy.  And, luckily, there's not a single union that I'm in any way opposed to.  The only down side is that my schedule for the spring/summer/fall is now pretty full, and already there are conflicts with weddings and planned trips.  Normally I'm a "first come first serve" kind of gal when it comes to plans, but people tend to only get married once (at least, to each other), and friends and family are sort of expected to prioritize a wedding over, say, a backpacking trip.  Knowing I will have equal but different fun at either event is not helping me make a decision.

Winter Wonderland

What a fantastic weekend. I got to enjoy all the things I love: family, friends, outdoors, and theatre.

Friday night was supposed to be a "get stuff done" night, but my last three hours at work were one atrocity after another. I really needed a "relax and have fun" night. Face is a perfect companion for relaxing and having fun. I wanted to grab a few accessories to brighten up my outfit for her holiday party, and she was looking for a few last-minute odds n' ends for her annual shindig. One would think that going to stores and the mall during Christmas season would not be a relaxing evening, but anytime spent with Face is fun time. Finished off the evening at home with a bath and a glass of wine. Ahhhh...

Saturday My Runner was picking me up early (ok, 9:30am, but that's early for a Saturday) to hike Pawtuckaway with Sherpa and his Fiancee. I was really looking forward to the hike. I like Sherpa and Future Mrs. Sherpa (FMS), and it's been a while since we've all just hung out and talked. It was cold, but I was prepared (and had purchased Gaiters the night before - woohoo!) and stayed toasty.

We met the Sherpas in the parking lot, exchanged hellos and hugs, suited up, and were off. Sherpa was leading, and I know I should have been paying attention to the trails and where we were, but I was having so much fun breaking through the snow and catching up with FMS that I really just followed and enjoyed the surroundings. It's been years since I've been on a winter hike - the last one I really remember is when I was in Venture Class in high school. The sun kept us warm, the trees kept the wind off our backs, and the company kept our spirits high.

The sky was clear as we reached the lookout tower, but the wind was blowing icy cold. We all ventured (with varying degrees of trepidation) up the narrow staircase of the lookout tower to enjoy the view. Sherpa pointed out landmarks: Uncanoonuc Mts., North and Middle Mts., and Pawtuckaway Lake, among others. The view was great, the rolling land laid out with a blanket of snow and ice, the sun reflecting off the water like a mirror. As beautiful as the view was, the wind drove us back into the woods. We hiked for a total of 3.5 hrs, on snowy and icy trails with an occasional break on a dirt road.

Back at the parking lot we said a fond farewell to the Sherpas and piled our stinky sweaty bodies in the truck. Two quick errands - meeting up with the buyer of My Runner's bike stand and grabbing taco stuff for lunch - and we were back at home.

I get so busy sometimes I forget how great it is to just bum around the house. Cooking lunch, eating, playing around on the computer, napping - just being with My Runner is fun.

We had a busy evening scheduled too. My show was in Nashua at 8pm, and we were leaving after my portion of the evening (around 8:30) to head to Mop and Face's Christmas party. The show went really well. It was an evening of short plays by playwrights that Yellow Taxi Productions has worked with in the past. The show I directed was the first up, taking place in the lobby of the Hunt Memorial Building in Nashua. One of my favorite things about Yellow Taxi is how they think outside the box when it comes to presenting shows. The show, by Brian Dykstra, is titled "Service/Order" and the plot revolves around a set of stairs that is out of service. We used the stairs located in the lobby - essentially Site Specific theatre. We also didn't make a formal announcement that the show was starting, nor did we have set seating (we did have chairs for our older patrons, of course). This resulted in a show where audience members were sometimes standing right between two characters that were having a conversation! I had done my best to prepare my actors for the surprises of the audience, and they did very well. I was proud of them, and happy with my work.

"Service/Order" completed, My Runner and I were off to our party. This was especially exciting to me because until a few days ago I didn't think My Runner would be coming with me. He wasn't really interested when I first invited him. I really didn't want him to go if he wasn't going to have a good time, and I certainly am not the kind of person to "make decisions" for other people, but I just couldn't understand why he was so against it. Still, I talked with him one more time about it, then let the matter drop. I'm a big girl and I don't *need* a date to have fun at a party, nor do I have an issue going places by myself. He knew how I felt and I knew (I thought) how he felt and that was that. I'm not really sure what changed his mind, but I was happy that he was with me. My friends are pretty awesome and fun and I knew he would end up having a good time.

I think I can chalk it up to this: he's in a different place now, I'm in a different place now, and WE'RE in a different place now. And that's all the detail I'll go into for the moment. :-)

Face and Mop's Christmas Party is an annual tradition. Face is the consummate hostess, refilling drinks and the punch bowl generously, putting thought into every detail down to napkin rings and wine glass markers, yet always circulating about the party chatting with her guests and spreading good cheer. The Annual Christmas Party is a great time to reconnect with folks we don't get to see often. I chatted, My Runner (after hiding in the basement with Chewie the cat for a few minutes... the party WAS loud) chatted, we were together, we were separate, we drank and ate and had a grand ol' time.

Me and Smarty, making her best "I hate you but I love you" face

Schmoop moment: I love watching him at parties. He's a really great conversationalist and slips into meeting new people with ease. He always actively listens, and is able to talk to just about anyone (including a "very happy" Smarty Pants, much to my delight - how I'd like to have been a fly on the wall of THAT conversation...). Yeah, he's pretty great. End schmoop moment.

It was a long day, and I had a race in the morning, so we cut out relatively early around midnight. I was happy to hear My Runner had a nice time (and I didn't even say "I told you so," see how good I am?) and happier when we got to my house and snuggled up in bed. I was the epitome of content as I drifted off to sleep in his arms.

.... and the alarm went off soooooooo early......

Too Young for a Midlife Crisis?

Ok, maybe not a "crisis," but certainly a huge but quiet shift in my life.

I've decided to take a break from theatre. Not a mini-break, not a "let's be friends" break, but a clean and hard "break me off a piece of that" kind of break. (guillotine swoosh) No more theatre.

I haven't been doing much of it lately anyways, and when I do it always feels like more of a chore than I want it to. I feel like it's taking away from other parts of my life. I like the results, I like being a part of it, but I don't want to make it a priority anymore, and I'd rather not half-ass my chosen art form.

This was a really difficult decision for me to come to. I'd been feeling mopey about my theatre projects for a while, though every now and then some new life and energy would get injected. Theatre is how I define myself... or how I did. I think that's the hardest part - now I'm not sure what defines me.

I'm not sure how long this break will last, but I can guess it would be a while. I've been accepting jobs from YTP when they're offered because I do always like SOME aspect of working with that company (namely: spending time with Pocket) but now Pockets moving to bigger and better things and YTP is closing its doors. Nothing is compelling me to be a part of this art form right now, and the prospect of having more time to spend on my personal projects, with friends and family, training, and playing hockey fills me with joy.

That being said - if you're in the area please come see what my be my last project for a long while. YTP is producing an evening of short plays from playwrights we love - Lowell Williams (playwright in residence), Brian Dykstra (I'm directing his show - it's pretty awesome and I'm glad I love the script), and Neil LaBute. The shows are 12/12 at 8pm and 12/13 at 6pm. If you're interested and want more info, let me know.