Self Limitations- When They're a Good Thing

Face has recently decided to limit her caffeine intake, which comes primarily through Coca Cola.  She loves the damn stuff, and recently confided in me that it's been harder to limit herself to 1 coke a day than it would be to limit her drinking.  I'm really proud of her, and while limiting myself to one coke, or soda of any kind, per day would be easy (I probably drink 1-2 a month on average), I balked at the thought of limiting myself to 1 drink a day.

Oh god, I BALKED at limiting my drinking to ONE. DRINK. PER. DAY.  That's scary.  To be fair, I balk at the idea of MOST limitations, but still... It's not like I drink every day, though if I'm going to be honest and lay the cards on the table, I do drink most days.  I don't always drink to intoxication, though, again, 2-3 times a week I will get to between lightly buzzed and drunk.  I've equated alcohol with rewards.  I've used alcohol to get to sleep at night and to shut my brain up.

I think what I'm saying here is, I like drinking.  I haven't considered it out of control because I always felt I was in control.  Until I balked at the idea of limitation.  Perhaps I'm not as in control as I thought?  And we know how I feel about not being in control.  (Bad, just in case you forgot.)

So I pledged to Face that, in fidelity with her trial with caffeine, I would limit myself to 1 drink per day.  Of course I won't be perfect at this, and of course there will be days that I will have no drinks.  Hell, Wednesday I'm going to a wine tasting- STRIKE ONE!  But the idea is to regain control and enable discipline over my choices.

Ultimately I'm more comfortable making this about working on my self-discipline that making this about drinking.  Similar to my pledges to save, train, and sew, I have declared I will Do Something, and will hopefully achieve it with some amount of success (as long as it's more than the sewing challenge we're in business).  In order to increase the likelihood of my success, I've devised a 6 week timeline to the challenge.  What happens in 6 weeks?  Who knows- have to get there first.

Benefits will include:

• Weight loss- 12 oz of decent beer has between 140-250 calories per 12 oz bottle.  I don't drink that light crap, so if I have 3 beers we're looking at the equivalent of a large meal.  Add an ACTUAL meal, or even more beers, and all of a sudden I'm consuming 150% of my daily caloric requirement.  No wonder I still get chub-rub when I run....
• Financial savings- Booze certainly hikes up the cost of a restaurant or grocery bill.  If I'm consuming less, then I'm spending less, and I have more money.  YAY!
• Increased health- yay for livers working blah-dee-blah-blah.  Probably won't fall down/run into things as much if I'm sober more often.  Of course I often fall down/run into things when I sober as a judge, so....
• Better decision making- probably won't choose to eat that pizza, drunk that dial, post that poorly spelled facebook message, pick that ill-advised fight, etc.  And if I DO make a bad decision, at least I can't squirm out from under the thumb of responsibility by blaming on the a-a-a-a-alcohol.
• Probably some other stuff.... hopefully some other stuff....  More booze for the rest of you?

Even listing all these benefits, I know this is going to be tough.  I hate admitting that because I don't think I'm a drunk, but I do think I need to take a step back.  I'm not advocating teetotaling, and honestly I'd never want to give it up 100%.  But I do need to declare my intentions to the public and be held accountable.

HOLD ME ACCOUNTABLE!!!

or just hold me- I'm good with that too.  :-)

All the World is a Stage

So I received an email from a theatre company, Ghostlight, that I have some ties to.  It was a sorta mass e-mail encouraging me to be a member again and subscribe to their season.  Feeling generous and bored at work I reviewed what they had on tap.  I was intrigued especially by one play.  I looked a bit farther into it and found that I was a bit captivated by a certain role... a female role... a female in her mid-to-late-20's role... good golly with some moisturizer I could play that role....

I read a bit of the script, though honestly not all.  I reached out to Shorty for advice and feedback.  Then I shoved the idea to not just the back burner, but the nosebleed seats burner.  It stewed on low like a crockpot on the counter.  I'm still not sure what the final result will be, but I'll be damned if I can't stop from stirring the pot, taking a big whiff and seeing if I like what's cooking.

The current auditions are at a time I can't make.  Bummer- and said as much.  Well, what do I get for opening my mouth but another possible opportunity: a second audition date, even farther away with a schedule to be determined.  Since I like to book myself eons ahead, this could be an issue.  However, the rehearsal schedule would ALSO demand I take time from my current schedule and possibly sacrifice some plans I had already made.  Am I ready for that?

Audition calls for a prepared monologue.  Cool- I've done that.  In college, and a bit after... so that means all the characters in those monologues are in their early 20's and the plays they come from are all slightly dated, like Kim Kardashian's sex tape or Double Rainbow Guy's youtube video..  It's not that it's not entertaining, but.... well, we've heard it before.

So now I'm in a position... do I want to do all this work for possibly very little payoff?  What if it does pay off and I get the role and I can't do some of the runs or hikes I had planned?  Do I even still have that spark that a few special people saw in me once?  I feel the passion and the drive... Will that be enough for me?  If I prepare and don't get this, will that be ok?  If I prepare and I do get this, will that be ok?

Tomorrow I will search for a new monologue.  And we'll go from there.

 Ballet in first grade- this is where I learned I am NOT graceful.

College- where I had to dance again, but at least it was "modern" and "Greek"

Pocket found my true talent: awkward.  Yes, I'm pooping on a laptop.