Shape Up Or....

While I wasn't paying attention, my life kinda fell apart.

I haven't been running.  Here and there a few miles, but maybe once a week.

I haven't been saving.  Well, I have money going to a savings account, but I'm also spending and using credit, so it amounts to the same thing.

I haven't been eating well.  I've been eating WELL- but not healthily.

On my day off this week I did some deep cleaning in my apartment.  I purged old and ill-fitting clothes (including going through the sock and underwear drawer), organized both closets, scrubbed the bathrooms, scoured and vacuumed the floors.  It was a good day- cleaning, organizing, and getting rid of junk I don't need made me very up-beat and happy.  It's obvious to me now that I felt my life lacking in structure, but wasn't sure how to articulate it.

Just one day later I was feeling so unsettled that I had an emotional breakdown in traffic.  Sure, no one likes traffic.  Usually I'm able to hold a certain amount of zen about it.  Yesterday, no zen, only Zuul.  I was so frustrated that once I was finally OUT of traffic I started crying.  That's not the sign of a well-balanced emotional state.

Last night I ran with My Runner and a group of others.  I wanted to run hard.  I wanted to push my lazy body and make it pay for it's inactivity.  But this was also a social outing.  Internally I fought between staying with my friends and running for me.

This morning on the way to work My Runner kept asking me if/why I was upset.  Wha?  I didn't feel upset.  I was fine.  Just fine.  I got the "... okayyyy...." and rightly so.  Of course I wasn't fine, but I wasn't even admitting to myself I wasn't fine.  How could I admit it to anyone else?

I'm not fine.  There are very basic aspects of my life that have no organization.  Chaos reigns.  I'm on the verge of tears for the smallest things.  And no, I'm not PMS-ing.  It's time to organize, purge, and regroup.

Back to running at least three times a week.  Every other Wednesday is a group run at this point, plus at least once a month I'm either doing a 5K or a longer group run, but that's not enough.  I want to be strong enough to snowshoe this winter and not hurt myself.  We're planning a trip to Mt. Katahdin in ME which is a rigorous hike.  Running is the cheapest and easiest way for me to stay in shape to do the things I want to do.  Now that I have a headlamp, running in the evening is a bit safer.  Time to break out that mace for my solo runs and see if anyone's got a spare reflective vest kicking around.  (Anyone got a spare reflective vest kicking around?)

My spending moratorium is back.  Again.  Expenses shall be limited to groceries (not "food"- lunch out is not a qualified expense), gas, and bills.  I do, of course, have a few exceptions (like baby-soul eye-cream), but this is THE plan.  I will keep my goal firmly in front of me, and since it's concrete I will share: a new car.  By May I'd like my credit card paid off, and about $4000 in cash (savings combined with the sale of my car), so I can put money down on a new Honda Fit (or something similar).  Currently I pay between $200-$250 to my credit card, but since I keep using it a bit it's not going down as fast as I'd like it.  I can get a car payment under $300, so I'd simply be replacing my credit card payment with a car payment.  Considering how often my Cabrio has had issues, I think this is a solid investment.  This means putting off purchases I had planned on, like a new laptop, a hair cut, and some new dish towels, but eh.  I'll live.

I'll be eating right.  And by that I mean eating poor.  I have PLENTY of food in my house.  The only groceries I should need are fruits and vegetables- I have enough protein and grains to get me through at least mid-December.  I'll give making bread another try- it was never AWESOME but it was generally edible.  Leftovers are not just a staple, but THE staple.  Creatively using ingredients is something the best home cooks do, and I have enough of the basics down to spread my wings.  Hell, I might even find a new awesome dish (amongst the awful failures and mediocre offerings).

The final aspect- accountability.  If I make my choices public then I must be accountable for my actions.  Looking back to when I was training for a half-marathon, I posted my runs all the time.  I won't do that, but I will start publishing my miles (look to the sidebar).  I will post about my kitchen experiments.  Maybe make a game show out of it!  What would YOU do with a can of black beans, a bag of frozen mixed veggies, and rotini?  You have almost every condiment imaginable, especially spicy ones.  Go.  And when I get to reward my good spending habits with test drives, I'll let you know what I think.